Close your eyes.

Yes you.

Assuming you closed your eyes.

What is it you saw?

Take a minute don't rush.

What you saw?

Is that what you see in me?

Is that what you see in yourself?

BLACK

Lately I’ve been re-thinking a lot about the Art of just being, how it shouldn't be so exhausting to exist without having to filter through the unchangeable . As I navigate through my thoughts I am sent back to a specific experience in September of 2013 ,my early days in Istanbul. While on the bus a certain lady kept staring at me as if I were some alien from outer space. I felt so confused, diminished and out of place a feeling I thought I had because I was somewhat the only significantly different person in the bus but that wasn't it, it was something more. Later that day I found myself narrating that very scenario to my brother who had asked how I was adjusting to my new home. This was just the beginning of me realizing that my appearance, something I was already self aware of was now something people had to have an opinion on. That even before someone said hi or asked me something non intrusive about myself, they had already decided for me and themselves that I was a sum of their stereotype or the many curiosities in their minds. Hence treating me as such, the person in their head and not the person I was.

They say that first impressions count and many times in society we treat people on first impression basis but the issue is , skin is not an impression. The normalization of judging a book by its cover has led people to treat each out of ignorance. A trait that is later passed on from generation to generation through biased narratives. Narratives which lead to unfathomable actions, like a child running away from you because they are afraid of what they think you are. Or when a worker at the store follows you around because they aren't sure you knew where you walked into. Or when no one seats next to you in public transport unless it's the last resort. Or when you notice how uninterested someone gets after you mention where you are from.

All this directs my subconscious to believing a certain false narrative, that who I am would only be acceptable if it fit a particular form.

A form structured by society and learnt from a younger age. I remember when I was about 10 years old my neighbor who had hosted a "white" lady , invited us over to meet her. I was intrigued because for all my life, up until this moment all I knew about the world outside of my own was what they picked and chose to show us on the Television and magazines #falseadvertising. So when I met this lady, she was a sum of all the stereotypical brain wash that society deemed as preferable. The thought that the value and story of a person laid within the shade of their skin started to grow roots in my infant mind . From the eloquence in her talk, to her posture somewhat automatically seemed like what I should aspire to be like. Not forgetting her silk long hair and fair skin which from a distance I admired but was never that obsessed to want to touch unlike some who have the habit of wanting to touch other people's hair. Which leads me to another flash back. One day while filling up my transportation card , I felt a pull backwards only to turn and this "Teyze" what Turkish people call elderly woman, was not only touching my hair but pulling it. And when I turned to look, she had the audacity to be shocked as if in disbelief that a person like me could have hair like that. Well technically they were braids but hey! Child, if I bought it then it's my hair. Just like the 10 year old me, this "Teyze" was only acting on the stereotype in her mind, as if all that pertained of me was summarized in what she saw on the surface. Yet in this time and age where the access to alternative information is so easy, to treat people as a litmus paper of ones ignorance is no longer acceptable.

In as much as I am calling people out, I too have fallen short of leaning towards stereotypes, my ignorance dictated how I looked at and treated people. I am no saint in this matter, for the most part of my life I deemed people who were fair in skin complexion and exhibited westernized mannerism as better and I myself even aspired towards it. Acceptability and Beauty is a construct I am now convinced society for a long time has had wrong. The mentality that lighter is better because white is associated with purity and western norms alike or that, that which is darker isn't because black is associated with impurity is utter madness. An ideology of insanity whose effects are seen daily through various forms of maltreatment. If my skin or my origin is a reason why I can't rent a house, or the reason you think I am sex worker (Experience in Turkey) , or why your kids mock me, this is the very reason why imposed false perception of who you think I am is a limiting factor of progress both for you and for me.

I am from a country whose name literally means the land of the black, home to some of the darkest hued people. Despite this unchangeable fact you would think that in this time and era people would have embraced who they were, but unfortunately most people are still brain washed to think that they are less than ,undesirable or a threat. We are already carrying weights of issues in forms of corruption, injustice to name but a few on our shoulders, but instead of trying to make things better we shot our selves in the leg by turning against each other through the eyes of colorism. As we do so this plague continues eating away any possibility we have for progress. It baffles me how we can segregate against each others based on the shade of our skin. I remember a friend (African) of mine commenting on Facebook about a certain you-tuber, and asking why she was so dark. A question I find insulting to God the creator of a master piece embodied in human form. Assuming a persons purpose for existence can be explained away on their skin is beyond ignorance . As if overcoming the obstacles of societal inequality isn't enough, in addition one has to everyday overcome the challenge of trying to prove ones worth to a society that does not see it.

Which is why communal education is really crucial to the grooming of a virtuous person. The kind of narrative portrayed by society at the lowest level shapes how we look at ourselves and how others look at us. My greatest teachers were not only found in the four walls of the classroom but on the contrary outside of it. My experience of living in Istanbul has taught me a lot about the value of seeing a person as a wholesome being with complexities, instead of through a narrow lens of false stereotypes. Labeling people with colors (black, white, yellow, brown) which isn't even close to the complexion of peoples skin, I mean who came up with this nonsense. To the guy on the street, the next time you see me don't call me "Zenci" Turkish equivalent for "Nigga" or to the Turks "Black" because that is neither my name nor is it who I am. When you live in a society with people from literally allover the world, it is foolish to live without trying to understand the world within them ,their place in the society we live in and their contributions to the world at large. One should not be judged on the basis of how they look but on the basis of the contributions they make .

Don't get me wrong I am in no way negating the progress and effort in which people and platforms that portray positive self image have made, actually if it wasn't for that I would still be stuck in a white washed world. It is thanks to the availability, access to information and interest in wanting to learn more about the world I live in that I see things differently now .The rise of people who decided that they will be the narrators of who they are and not leave it to a system that always gets it wrong, is where the reclaiming of ones true identity starts. The aim is not so that people be treated as special on the basis of how they look but to be treated equal. When you stand for a cause it is sometimes interpreted as wanting preferential treatment. When in actual sense you just want to have the same access to opportunities as everyone else. The cause here is Being You in the Fullest and Greatest form.

There is more to a person than meets the eye , a depth in their existence that transcends ideologies and time.

More than a color, I am hope for those that came before me as I strive to go even further than they could ever go in this life.

More than a color, I am evidence that even when the odds are stacked against you one can still stand.

More than a color, I am who I say I am and not your perception of who you think I am.

More than a color ,I am the blueprint of who I was destined to be.

I am more than a color for that is but a drop in the sea of what makes me ME.